Red White Blues in Your Eyes
by wastedlimelight
Summary: A broken woman, a war, and a hell of a lot of self determination puts Sophia in a place she never thought she would be. What she's looking for is a release from the world she's in, but will she find more? Steve Rogers/OC
1. Rain Drops are Dripping

**Hello loves, Just wanted to pop in and give you the link to the visual archive i have created for this story. It's on my profile and dont forget It does have a password.**

**Password: bigbandswing **

I pulled out the key from the door knob and set it on the tall table with the clutch. My hand hit the wall for balance as I wobbled on one foot trying to peel off the black stiletto and then the other I stretched my toes, who were still wrapped in the black tip of my stockings. In several disjunct movements I shed my jacket and swung my foot to the steel door of my apartment slamming it. My head hung low my dark blonde curls a mess surrounding my face as I stumbled further into my tiny flat in Manhattan. With a sigh I stood in front of the window looking out to the city drenched in fresh rain. With the light from my night stand reflecting on the glass I could easily see my hair and running mascara. Though I could easily blame the mascara from the pouring rain, I felt the ping in my heart know it was my tears causing the mess. Lightening flashed lighting up the darkness that the street lamps couldn't reach. For a moment I thought I saw people in the always across from my building. I leaned in to the window hands on either side of my face on the glass preventing me from losing balance. Edging my face closer, I could only make out something shuffling.

*BAM*

Lightning struck above my building and rattling not only me, but the windows I was using for balance. As stumbled backwards and down the only thought I was about what I saw when the light flashed, as if it all was in slow motion. It was two people one large and the other small. The small guy was holding up a trash can lid as the bigger man was coming down to punch him. That glimpse confused my inebriated brain, and it was too soggy to deal with it. Blinking from the immanent fall and the bright flash, my body braced for a hard landing, which like anything that happens this way, comes harder and more painful than expected. My head slammed against the brace of my bed's brass footer.

After several moments of just making the room stop spinning, I pulled myself up and sat against the brass bed frame and tilted my head back against it in thought.

"I wasn't supposed to go this way," I whispered to myself. My eyes focused out the window watch the steady drip of rain from the sky. Right now I was supposed to be living the 'American Dream', having my husband living in the house I picked for us, raising the children we were supposed to have. I met him about 2 years ago in my senior year of college, I was getting my nursing degree, and he, and well he was getting his MD. It was perfect picture perfect. We were happy as could be. We spent as much time together as we could. I was sure he would ask me to marry him, and then just over a year ago he did. I said yes almost before he finished the question. I then began to plan our future together. He was out doing interviews with hospitals all over the eastern seaboard, but decided on one in New York City, a 15 hour drive from our home in Virginia.

At this point in my memories I wasn't sure if it was the liquor or the thought of how everything changed after that, that made my stomach roll, but it was enough for me to move out of my thoughts for a moment. I shifted and pulled my stockings off. Crawled over to my night stand and grabbed some bobby pins to pull my hair in a messy bun. By now I had this down to a routine. I pulled off the dress and took off my bra and panties, then grabbed the oversized shirt I slept in last night and crawled into my bed. Huddling in my sheets only my eyes could be seen on the top edge of my blanket, eyes still on the rain.

My thoughts drifted where I had left off in my though process. I wanted to have the wedding before I moved in with him. He purchased a small flat in the city close to the hospital, while I finished plans for everything. We'd call each other every night to see how the other was, but one night I could hear the change in his voice, there was something he wasn't telling me. Rather than press the subject I hoped he would tell me. Several days passed until he told me. He had received a letter from the U.S. Army about his civic duty. And just like that my plans and dreams were going to be shattered. Because of the fact that he was a Doctor they were giving him a crash course and then sending him off. I knew what that meant, they were basically giving him a pat on the back and wishing him luck before ultimately sending him somewhere, where the odds of returning were frightening to me. He consoled me told me that this was only temporary. He told me he would come back and marry me and we could start our lives.

I remember the look on my mother's face when I hung up the phone. I told her I was leaving for New York, and amidst her protests I packed a bag. I heard every word she was saying, and I knew why she was saying it. She didn't want me to end up like her, alone. My father died serving in the last war leaving my pregnant mother with a baby, no income, no help, and her great love gone. I knew how hard it was for her raising me alone. That fight between her and I, I pleaded for her to let me go see my love, to marry him before he left, to be by his side as much as I could. I knew that the time I would have was small but

"I will never forgive you, if you hold me back from him!" I screamed the words at her. Tears streaming down my face, "if I never get to see him again…" I leaned against the wall sobbing, "If the last time I get to hear his voice is on that telephone. No!" I stood up and picked up my bag, "I'm going.."

The trip itself was a blur, one big emotional rollercoaster ride. Hours passed before I realized it. I remember coming across the bridge in to New York, and finally arriving. When I came up to the apartment, this very apartment where I laid in a drunken mess. I kissed him harder and loved him with my body as much as I could, farther than when we had ever before gone.

A shudder ran up my body and a tear slid from my eye

That night in his arms he told me how he was a fool for not telling me sooner, but he knew my fears and reservations from what I knew of my mother and father.

"Sophia Ann, I am a damn fool. All I want is you by my side. If I had told you sooner, we could have had more time," he paused and I was silent. He was right, he was a fool.

"I can't believe you drove all this way.. He said staring at the ceiling; I moved my head closer into his chest.

"I love you John, that's what matters," I ran my fingers across his body in fear I'd forget the feeling of his skin, the shape of his lips, the way they felt on mine. A tear slid from my eye on to his chest, I closed them so he wouldn't know how upset I was. Looking back on it, I know he knew how much it was killing me. I held my eyes shut tight while he played with my hair, he knew when he did that it relaxed me. Eventually against my will I slipped asleep and when I woke… He was gone.

I rolled over at this point in my memories to look at the night stand, and inside the drawer there was the letter I found when I woke that morning. I just stared at it, I had it memorized.

Sophia my love,

I didn't wake you because I know you would have never let me walk out the door. Never forget I love you, and I'll be back as quick as I can. When I get to a position to where I write you I will. Please let the knowledge of how deep my love runs for you comfort you in this hard time.

-John

The time that passed after that letter I actually moved into his apartment and got a job at the very hospital he worked for, months went by before I heard word from him, and in those months I cried myself to sleep at night every day, and when I woke up too. I got two more letters from him after the first. After that I was another two months before any word. And I would of waited years before I got the word that I did. The day was average as far as weather; I was wearing my blue dress, cooking a small portion of pasta for myself when there was a knock on my door.

I stopped my memories right there. I didn't need or want to think about the pain I felt when I got his killed in action letter. In the months that followed that, my mother fell ill and passed away, and I became a regular at the bar down the block. In under a year my life that I had for myself and planned was burnt to the ground, and I was helpless to watch.

Don't forget the website!


	2. Pinning Myself Up

I awoke to a bright light beating on to my eyes, and with a groan I rolled over to look at my clock on the night stand. The small metal hands told me that it was 7:42 in the morning. I wasn't surprised; I never slept extended periods of time when I drank excessively the night before. Rubbing my hand against my face, and slowly sat up only to stop immediately and hold my head until the pounding went away. I grabbed the ibuprofen and took two pills with some water.

After two cups of coffee, a shower and warm comfy clothes, was it that I began to feel like a real person. Thoughts swarmed through my head about what I did at the bar last night, barley remembering walking home. I rubbed the back of my head, and felt a bump.

"Where did you come from?" I asked as if it would reply. I rummaged through my thoughts and then remembered falling back from the lightning. And then I remembered going through my memories like a sad story book. It wasn't the first time and I was sure it wouldn't be the last. Right then I heard a knock on my door.

"Sophie! It's Angie, open up," I heard. Angela was my best friend here in New York. I meet her at the hospital when I was working my first nightshift. She was the one who was there while I dealt with the pain of being without Johnny, and she was there when I found out I'd never see him again. I got up from my tiny dining table and went to open the door for Angie. She greeted my with the 'I know what you did last night' look making me look down to my feet in shame.

"So tell mes why I heards from Charlie that yous ran off last night?" She asked me with her accent ever so present. I rolled my eyes at what she said, as she brought in bags of what looked to be groceries.

"Angie, what's with the food?" I asked ribbing my temple, "and I didn't run off, he became a bore!" I said following her in to my rather pathetic excuse for a kitchen. She sat the food down leand against the counter. Crossing her arms she looked at me with pursed lips, oh dear God. I was about to hear it.

"Well considering I wanted a nice homemade meal today I went to the market and picked up some stuffs for dinner. Ingredients for fettuccini alfredo and salad, fresh bread, the works. I was on my way to come over, since I didn't wants to eats alone and yous know who I ran into?" her lips pursed yet again.

"I'm guessing Charlie," I said.

"Yous guessed right, and he told me abouts last night. Needless to say he was livid and so am I!" I sighed getting ready for the reply of what I did about to happen.

"He tells me it was going alright for about half an hour until yous start drinking? He said that yous drank enough Captain Morgan to make him drunk. And that while there, insulted him; called him a narcissist and an ass," I couldn't help but laugh, "Don you laugh, it's hard to set yous up when you scare every man off! Oh least I forget the parts where yous started to dance with other men. Oh and my personal favorite part of the night is where I heards that yous kissed Louis?" I groaned and put my head on the table. That was something I did not need her knowing about. Louis was a guy who, for lack of better words, warmed my bed once or twice, with few others that no one knew about. Not something I was proud of.

"I don't knows if you remember this, but Louis is bad guy! Everyone knows what he does!" she sighed and looked at me. I knew the crowd he was with, I knew I wasn't the only girl in his midst

"Angie I did not kiss that guy, he tried to kiss me! And Charlie was a bore alright? All he talk about was how great his new job was and his family and life plans and blah blah blah. I don't want a man who doesn't take a break from himself to ask me about what I want or like. So I showed him, I got drunk and danced and had a good time. Maybe he learned that not everything was how Charlie likes it." She just stared at me. Her expression had softened.

"Soph, I'm setting you up with these guys so maybe you can try and get back on your feet. I can't help you if you keep going out and drinking and doing things you know you shouldn't." she frowned looking down and then to me. I shifted my eyes uncomfortably. I knew she was right. She was always right that's why she was Angie. Well except about throwing all these men at me. All of which were meat heads I wanted nothing to do with.

"I know Angie," and with that she dropped it. She turned back to her pile of ingredients.

"So how was your night with Bucky?" I asked. Bucky was some guy that she just met but from what I heard things got hot pretty fast with them.

"Well it was good but it's probably going to end, well not probably it will. In two days." She said. I was shocked she really liked this guy.

"Why? What's happened? And, why in two days?" I asked. She turned to look at me and I knew, "He got orders didn't he?" I asked. She nodded and sighed.

"You know how happy this guy made me, but if it's meant to go this way then alright. We're going out tonight. I'd really like for you to come with me us, were going to Stark's world of tomorrow the big science and technology showing!" She smiled and I did too. I knew she wanted me there for support when he'd leave. And she also knew my fascination with technology science. Needless to say I wasn't worried about being a third wheel.

"You better get your rest while I cook," she said. And she was right; I was starting to feel the sleepiness creep in from the hangover.

After Angie and I ate, it was time to get ready. I as I finished and was slipping on flats Angie came out from the bathroom to look at my outfit.

"Oh Sophie, I's Thinkin we should dress up more!" She said bubbly. I looked at her with a confused look.

"Why do I need to dress up more? I mean I understand for you since Bucky will be there." I said looking up from my bed to her. She looked up and had a slight smile.

"Well Bucky is bringing a friend and…" She was about to go on before I cut her off with a groan and getting up from my bed.

"Angie, I swear to God." I said turning to look at her. It was like there was always someone else that she had to set me up with or at least try to. I took a deep breath as she went into her ramble of me going out in the world and something about meeting a good guy. I ignored it before I said something regrettable. What I wasn't going to admit to Angie was that I wasn't look for anything steady, I was good with a love 'em and leave 'em kind of guy. It made everything so much less complicated. And I knew that the men that she was setting me up with weren't those types. I knew she knew that I went to the bar a lot and that I drank way more than any lady should. But when it came to emotions, I didn't want any, just the highs with handsome men, who won't tie me down. After Johnny died, I let all ambitions of the dream home, family and ideal life I had once held so dear to me go, that was something that I only wanted with him. And now that he was gone, so was that dream.

Maybe I'd end up an old woman with more cats than I'd care for and ruin my reputation. Quite honestly that sweet innocence was gone and I was in no way to look back for it, nor did I care to. With a sigh I came back to what Angie was saying. I just nodded and pulled out one of the many dresses I would wear to the bar when I was in mood for getting love. I would be hot enough to silence her words on my looks and about this guy. Quickly I pulled off my clothes and changed my slip to something tighter and sexier incase this man was lucky. The dress its self was a darker blue with red buttons on the waist, and above the slit. I looked like a pinup girl. With my black stilettos on I was pushing six foot and I liked it. Even though I was a leggy 5'9" I loved to look like model, not to mention the way the heels made my legs and ass look.

As I changed Angie was still rambling on about how I need to take steps forward. When I finished changing I stood looking over at her. She paced from one side of the apartment to another, which only took a handful of steps, not paying any mind to what I had been doing. I let my agitation with her slip, and I just giggled at her as a string of words came from her in her thick New York accent, which I had always found amusing, granted my 'y'all's' and 'ain'ts' made her laugh to no end.

"Angie," I said grabbing my purse.

"Yous are strong and"

"Angie!"

"Who cares if theys said it was weird" she said throwing me for a loop, I had obviously not been listening to her at all.

"Wait… What? Angie!" I grabbed by her arms, her eyes finally looked at me

"Oh my Gwad! Hun yous look sex on a stick! I didn't even knows you owned somthin like this!" Her eyes almost popped out of her head.

"Come on hun, lets catch the cab." I told her walking to the door.


	3. Piece by Piece

Stepping out of the cab behind Angie, I stretched to my full height and scanned the area with a large smile on my face. Even if was woman who looked like she knew more about which lipstick to wear with what outfit, I was a huge technology buff. Everything about it fascinated me, and I was constantly reading what I could on Stark and his latest invention. To be here and see what the newest thing stark had in his repertoire of amazement was enough to make not care what this date looked like.

I thought about it for a moment, maybe this guy was one of Bucky's army pals; buff, tall and I wouldn't have to worry about after. The smile on my face spread as I followed Angie into the huge park. As we walked I kept my vision straight, I could see the glances I got from men looking at me with hungry eyes. Soon I noticed that the men weren't the only people giving me looks, Angie kept turning to look at me whenever she thought I wasn't paying attention. My tall figure toward over her petite one, so that nothing but a glance down was to see her all but cheerful eyes. After the fifth glance, my smile had slide down from my face and my pursed questioning expression turned to her.

"Angie, what?! Why do you keep looking at me? You're creeping me out hun," I said. Her blushed face looked down, obviously she didn't think I noticed. She looked up with a smirk, and shook her head before answering.

"Nothin' 'hun', "she did her little air quotations ", you're just all dolled up, got every man lookin' at yous. With looks like that, what you tryins to do? Get Howard Stark to your place next?" That took me back a bit. Not the statement, but the way she said it was insulting whether she meant it or not. She had been acting strange ever since we were in the cab. I was beginning to think that she knew more about what I did when I came to getting love. Of course the encounter before we got in the cab didn't help. On the way out the door, we came across none other than Louis, who gave me dirty looks about the night before. While I had drunkenly granted him a kiss or two, I had turned his offers to take me home numerous times. Eventually it got to the point where his forcefulness as well as vulgarity granted him a slap, immediately after I proceeded to walk out the bar door. I knew he wouldn't make a scene when he was on probation with New York's finest. Unfortunately, that didn't stop him from his dirty looks and snarky comments as I walked away from him and climbed in to the cab. There was a time where I would have taken him home, but this last month I've come to realize I can do way better than his scum bag ass. But to what came to Angie's mind I may never know on this subject. If I were to ask her, I'd receive an hour lecture on how I should try a man like Charlie and her thoughts on what I did with Louis. This took me back to Angie and her comments, no matter what her feelings on my relations with Louis and any other man were, it wasn't a reason to turn it on your closest friend. She usually never did this, but more and more often it's come up and she's gotten bolder with her comments. With Charlie and the other men that she's set me up with, and now to whoever Bucky's friend was, my head could spin with these cookie cutter men. She's doomed me insistent dating of people she thinks can be the John in my life.

"What is with you tonight? You were fine earlier, and besides, you told me to dress nicer, so I did. Now you give me dirty looks," I said to her, I felt my stomach turn. I hated it when she would get shitty about stuff. All I could hope for is that she would just let go of whatever was on her mind or not focus it on me.

"Yeah, Sophie, yous look good okay? yous look better probably than any other woman here, but you know what you do? Yous waste your time wif men like Louis. I've tried to find yous a nice guy. And I want yous to be the happy person yous were," her words rolled out and I couldn't help but feel the little sting as they rolled through my mind. I had been right about my assumptions on the Louis situation that took place not even an hour ago. "Yous should value yourself betta, you're selling yourself short!"

"Angie, we talk about this already okay, stop getting on me about this Louis thing, I'm not with the creep. Also I never asked for all these guys you've set me up with. You did it on your own free will. For your sake I hope this guy is worth anytime and not full of hot air like the others. And did it ever cross your mind that after John I didn't want the same thing anymore? That I needed a break from emotions and love? I want something different!" I was about to go on when Angie stopped walking. We were in a crowed area with every age, size, and shape of person around for the moment and not really private this conversation. I turned and looked at her, my knotted stomach turning more; I hated to fight with people who I cared for.

"Oh, yeah because the different yous is going with is you sleeping with all these men that you find at bars. Sophie you've become so detached from your emotions you're gone to the real world. What do you expect to find at the bottom of the tequila bottle? Because there is nothing there for yous except more hurt and pain. And damn it I'm tired of picking yours ass up all the time! I set yous up with these men to see if one of 'em will keeps yous outta the bar for a night. Yous think I'm stupid? That I don't knows what yous do, and that neither does anyone else?"

I struggled to keep my once proud stance that this outfit gave me, but now I felt like nothing more than a street walker giving invitations. The words she spit at me hit me harder than I expected them to. When I'd be insulted by a man I could write it off as them thinking with their dicks, but this? This was a woman I called my friend and it cut like razor blades. Suddenly I went from sadness to anger. She insulted me telling me she knows what I do? She doesn't know anything about it, she wasn't there, and I damn sure never told her what was going on in my mind. She may have been my best friend but there was a damn good reason that I never told her things. She'd lacked tact and she'd never leave me alone. I stood up straight, crossing my arms and looked her dead in the eye. Our conversation, while heated was spat in harsh whispers so as not to draw more attention to ourselves.

"How dare you talk about anything that has to do with that part of my life, you don't know anything about it Ange! I'm sick of you constant hooking me up, half the time it causes me to drink! You know what I want? I want the out of the hell hole I'm living in, I live in a constant reminder of John, a job I hate with a passion, I want adventure and not to feel the same shit from my past! And damn it if get my adventure and love from a bar after some Jose, then I'll get 'em there!" I spat leaning down to her so I could make the message as clear as possible. She stepped up on her tip toes to give the same effect but nothing like she wanted.

"How could I know? How could anyone know?! You're a closed book and shut tight and if yous ever opened up to anyones it would be a Gawd damned miracle! Yous ca…"

Right as she was about to continue we heard a voice to which we turned to see a tall man in uniform, he himself was a tall drink of water, and I immediately knew that this was Bucky. He came up with a smile that would melt any woman's heart, but I knew it all too well. He was a love 'em and leave 'em. I wondered if he knew he was getting deployed when he met Angie, and quite frankly I didn't care in this moment. Maybe she would feel maybe a fraction of what I did when Johnny left, she'd never understand all of it, no matter what happened to her.

"Angie! How's my beautiful girl," He smiled at her and picked her up in the hug they gave each other. Angie was suddenly a whole other person now that Bucky was here and I couldn't help but scoff and roll my eyes at the exchange. How quickly she was to change for him.

After setting Angie down and giving her a kiss, Bucky paused looking at me, I came to his eye level with my heels on, eyeing me up and down only for a second before continuing with his thought, "You must be Sophia?" I nodded and I saw a small wave of emotions cross his face, first shock, then on to worry and nervousness. I had no idea what that was about until he turned looking behind him and stepping to the side. If I was looking forward to anything after the argument with Angie it was a tall handsome man to take the weight off my mind. But behind Bucky was about 90 pounds (if he was soaking wet) of more weight on my shoulders. I did my best not to let my smile falter as I looked down to his friend.

"Sophia this is my good friend Steve Rogers," He said with a hopeful smile, but one that worried for Steve. The man reached up a hand to me, and I couldn't help but feel a bit embarrassed for him as I towered over him in my heels. Hell, if I took them off I was still taller than the guy.

"Ma'am," he said with a meek nervous smile. His hand shake was weak and soft with a sweaty palm that made me cringe at the feeling.

"It's very nice to meet you Steve," I took a step back looked at my feet so that my thoughts wouldn't leak to my face for the group to see.

How do you get a guy like Bucky with a guy like Steve? What a shrimp. As soon as that last thought passed through my mind I felt bad in my heart, his size wasn't something that he could just up and change and it said nothing to make him a bad person. This was about to be a long night. I was to stay with these three; I was going to need help. I was about two inches from decking Angie in the face, Steve was nothing of what I had hoped to expect, and I was in too bad of a mood to pretend like I was a good person to him. Angie made me want to get up and run from this crowd that I was now trapped in.

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I looked as Howard Stark's floating car fell and I was in awe at the sight it was the second thing we went to, there were other spots where he'd be showing off his other new items but in between were other shows and acts. After everyone started to dissipate Angie was acting as if nothing had happened between us which made my blood boil. Steve didn't say a word to me, and Bucky was in Angie land.

"Soph I know how much you love technology you and Steve should go to the next exhibit together!" She said cheerily. That was it; the bitch must have fallen on her head getting out of the cab. If it wasn't obvious, Steve wasn't paying much mind to me(nor me to him), weather it was of embarrassment or he just didn't wanna try because he and I knew where it would lead (nowhere).

"I'm sorry but I actually need to run to the ladies room, I think that I saw one back over there. I'll catch up with y'all in a bit!" I said quickly walking away before anyone could reply or caught on to my lie about the restroom.

"Hey Sophie! Wait a second…" I heard Angie yell, I didn't look back but rounded in to the first building I could find and sat on bench in side. I slouched over; I couldn't look at or take Angie anymore. I was livid with her and I wanted nothing to do with the woman, she insulted my in ways she knew nothing about. What would I do, go drink myself into a bottle of liquor and crawl out with some man I found? No, that would just be furthering Angie's point. I knew she was right, she had gotten her assumptions right, but she knew nothing of my emotions. Just to prove her right I would be the better than who I was and take myself home for the second night in a row. My stomach in knots from the anger and stress my hands shook. I thought about what I had said to Angie about wanting to get out of this spot in my life, I was in hell. Living in Johnny's old apartment was tearing me apart still, and that was something that I hadn't admitted to anyone. Work had turned into a nightmare, Angie was right. Half the people I knew had heard about the kind of woman I was, going to bars, taking strange mean to my bed. I had to get out, start new. Leave this place because it was tearing me down piece by piece. Johnny's passing was the one that cut me down the middle, but instead of sewing myself together I tore more pieces with each drink and man I took.

I looked around I was in the military recruitment building. It was hard to make out what was going on around me as I blinked back the tears building in my eyes. One tear slid down my face as I choked the rest back. Shifting my eyes to the floor and then back up, right in front of me was victorious pictures of the war. Men, fighting for our freedom, sacrificing their lives for our safety. I don't know what it was in those pictures that made me come to the conclusion I did. I picked myself patted down my dress, and blotched where my makeup might have run. I pulled out the compact mirror from my clutch and saw that my makeup was still in place where it was before. Putting it back I leaned my shoulders back stood at my full height, fluffed my hair, and strode into the recruitment sign-in.

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I knowwww, not very Steve Roger-y but it'll get there! I promise, baby steps for the story loves! Please review so I can know how I'm doing? This is my first story that I've published! love you my readers

**Guest Ali**: I know it is sad, :(. I wanted her to have some good dynamics for future points in the story. Ohhhh, let me know if you felt if this chapter was the really good or the awful! Thank you!


	4. Physicality

**Hey Everyone! Thank you so much for the reviews, it means soooo much to me! I hope you guy enjoy this chapter as much as I did writing it. Between constant rewrites on the conversations in this story and how I wanted to pull Steve in either this chapter or the next it took longer than I wanted, luckily my cigarette breaks during my writing time helps. This chapter is important base piece to the rest of the story.**

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Usually when it comes to making life decisions a person sits and thinks on it. The basic thoughts of, how will this affect me, will I like it, is it worth it? But as I walked in to the sign in for the recruting station that night I didn't have those thoughts flashing through my mind. When I saw the U.S. Army sign ahead of me, directing my clacking heels on the hard floor, I saw two things: Freedom and Adventure. I couldn't help the smile creep up the corners of my lips as I turned around a corner. I saw the desk ahead and I slowed in to more of a slunter as I saw men ahead of me, whether it was force of habit or just wanting to see their faces as I clacked my way to the back of the line. Standing looking straight ahead, I couldn't help but hear the snickers of the men in front of me.

I wasn't bothered by this at all really; I had grown used to means opinions on women. The men in front of me turned to look at me behind them. Glad I wore the heels, I looked in the man's eyes with a dull look on my face and a raising eyebrow. My fingers tapped against my arm in their crossed position as I shifted my weight from one heel to the other. I knew how the weight shift pulled and accented my curves making my dress a little bit tighter against my body. The one cleared his throat and turned back to the other. I was hopeful that was the last dealing with foolish men I'd have tonight, but standing with a line of men I should have known better that to expect such a thing.

As I now stood at the front of the line, with the man in uniform looking at me with like I was dinner, I bent down to fill out information on the sign in sheet. Just as I was about to sign my name he pulled the clip board back to himself. I looked at him with narrowed eyes; this asshole had picked the wrong damn day to pull some shit.

"Is there a problem?" I asked still leaning on the table staring him down. He let out a devilish smirk, maybe at a different time I would have looked at that smile as an invitation, but right now he was in worst time to even think that I would be appealed by this.

"Well I feel it's only my civic duty to save a beautiful dame from joining the military," he smiled. My lips fell in to a visible frown. Oh good Lord.

"Well bless your heart hun, I feel like it's my civic duty as an able-bodied American, whom, I might add is a nurse, to save lives where I can," I said with my accent coming out just a bit, a faked sweet smile. If there was one thing I learned from coming from the south was, "bless you heart" was just southern for, "fuck you."

"Well surly you don't want to work out in the field it's too dangerous, how about I put you down for clerical work? I don't want you to hurt that pretty face before when I'd get to take you out," He said, flashing that grin again. Now I was about to slap the hell of this dumb son of a bitch. I kept the sweet smile on my lips leaning back and crossing my arms. What in the hell was going on here tonight, it was just insult after insult, if this guy thought that he had a chance, it was slim and none now. Was it the way I dressed? Did it really bring the asshole out in everyone?

"Excuse me?" I said cocking my head to the side, "What in the hell gives you the right to tell me what I am or am not, going to do?" I put my hands on my hips, pursing my lips. I drummed fingers on my hip bones waiting for him to answer me. His once smirking face was replaced with shock then changed to slight anger, his widened eyes went back and narrowed, and just from look on his face I knew that something truly stupid was about to come out of his mouth.

"Look toots, this isn't some beauty contest you're entering in here, I know girls like you. Join the army travel a bit and all you're here for is the men. You're looking for some hot-shot hero to swoop you off your ass. Get some attention you want. And right now I'm offering you some one more time, because if this was a beauty contest, you look like a winner to me. And I ain't gonna put you in the field, trust me you won't like it. Do something good for yourself and listen to some advice from someone who's smarter than you," He said this blinking where he said smarter holding his eyes closed for just a moment, and by the end of saying you, my fist had reached over and punched him right in the throat. Lucky for me there were no MPs around. I heard the men behind me start laughing as I snatched the clip board and papers from the man coughing uncontrollably. I scribbled my information tossed the clipboard down at him. I leaned down and smiled with the rage in my eyes, and the angry still boiling in my stomach. He had that coming to him form a mile away.

"Look here, toots, I honestly don't give a damn if you think my face is pretty or not, and if you're lucky it's the last time you'll see it. I'm signing up for the God damn U.S. Army as a nurse and I hope I get stationed in midst of everything awful, because I know I'll be doing something worthwhile. And fuck yeah I'm going to enjoy the travel and adventure, and if I find some hot guy, GO ME! But none of that has anything to do with your insignificant ass and the role you have played in my life. And just to spite you, I hope I get to punch Hitler in the fucking face," I spit the words at him. Straightening my dress and fluffing my hair and speaking much softer I spoke again, "now Sgt. Dick-wad I'm going to take your advice, maybe go find someone a little smarter than me and talk to them because you're most obviously not that person," And with that, I spun on my heel head held high. I walked so that I could reiterate to everyone watching, just because someone looks beautiful, innocent, and breakable doesn't mean they are.

* * *

A I sat on the examination table waiting for the doctor to come in. While waiting I slipped of my heels letting them fall to the floor and wiggle my toes in my stockings. I rolled my head from side to side, and stretched my arms as I pondered over what the man at the sign in had said to me. Come here looking for travel and men, I scoffed at what he had said. Yeah, I'll admit that I was close to being that girl, but it isn't what I wanted. I wanted to do good for people around me and get out of this rut. Wasn't that what I was doing? Ugh, I was getting a head ache and the last thing I needed was to over analyze what someone said when speaking from their ass. I heard the curtain open and from the corner of my eye saw someone side step in the room, turning my head expecting to see a doctor I was surprised to find myself looking at a very serious MP.

"Shit," I said under my breath. The whole relaxation process I had begun while waiting for the doctor was thrown to hell, in fact the opposite effect was kicking in. I clenched my jaw and sighed threw my nose. I was waiting for him to say something, but words never came. I turned my head back to him, "May I ask what is going on, and why you are here?"

He looked at me for a moment, "Were waiting for Dr. Erskine to come in, I was instructed to make sure you didn't leave until after he spoke with you," he said still holding that stupid blank expression on his face. I couldn't be return it and blink at him. What in the hell? Why was an MP holding me here, for a doctor? A moment later a man walked in holding papers that I could only guess to be the information packet I filled out in the waiting room. He didn't look up from his papers when he came around and stood in front of me.

"you may leave now soldier," he said to the MP who turned and walked pack out the same way he came in. "Ms. Sophia Hart is it?" He asked finally looking up to my quizzical gaze. I just nodded and spoke a soft yes. His accent made me question him a bit but I thought nothing more of it.

"so vhat drives a lovely young woman to join zah military in zah height of a great var?" He asked with a light smile on his lips.

Figuring he saw my outburst in the other room, I just went along with his questions. "I want to do good, save lives," I said not very heavy tone. I figured if I just went through the motions I could get what I came here for and leave, or at the least not get arrested for punching that guy in the throat.

"Zhat iz a very unspirited answer from a very spirited voman. Now Ms. Hart, if you vould be zo kind as to inlighten me, itz not every day zat I see a young voman take on a man considerably larger zhan her for her right to do good for zhose whom need it. To join a var." He said this closing the file and crossing his arms. I sighed and looked down at my fiddling fingers. He saw what I did, " and might I add, zhat you said about punching Hitler,yah I sink zhat zhere is more to zah story" he finished leaning against the sink. And he heard every word at that.

I let out a heavy sigh and looked up to him, "Okay it was a quick choice to join the military, but you know I think it'll be good for me." I paused collecting my words, "I after I lost the people closest to me, my life went to a place where I'm no longer the same person I used to be, and I'm stuck. So I figured, if I have the ability to save someone's life, in a place where the need all the help they can get, why not. I'm just a bit broken. I don't have much to lose and I have so much that I can gain. So, why not? I've always been the type of when I have my mind-set on something to see it through, and who knows this could be the adventure of a life time right?" I finished. I put my fingers to my lips and my eyes widened. That was more than I've admitted to anyone in a long time. I looked away from his gaze, waiting for the response similar to the man in the front room.

"Do you vant to kill Nazi's?" He asked me. I wasn't expecting that as a response.

"No, I don't want to hurt people. I'm a nurse and I've seen people killed over foolish things, for being who they are, or what they believe. All I want to do is help do what's right, and why shouldn't I?" I answered. I looked a back down to my hands that were now playing with my dress. I had a habit of messing with my fingers when I was nervous. I had no idea what this was about or where it was going to lead me, so all I could do was be honest.

"Ms. Hart zhere are a lot of men in zhis var who all zhey care about is winning and glory, you know zhat. But vhat you show me is determination to do right. Not by your boss or friends or anyone else, but vhat is vhole heartedly good, I can see zhat. And you don't let anyvone stand in your vay of doing zhat. Now I'm not saying you may have not made bad choices and bad zhings haven't happened to you, But zhat is not what defines who you are." He said to me. I looked at him in shock and wonder, I took a sharp breath in through my already parted lips. This man had known me from the little I've told him in the past few minutes and I was certain he was crazy.

"how can you come to that conclusion only after knowing so little about me," I asked in wonder. His smile widened.

"Well Sophia, if it wasn't true, why would you be right here now?" he asked and I stopped. It was true, my determinations pushed my through to this point. Whether it was that or stupidity, I may not know yet.

"And now as far as I see it, you have become a member of the United States Military my dear, Congratulations," He said walking and motioning for me to come follow. Quickly and awkwardly I slipped in to my shoes and stumbled a step as he led me outside. Stamping my paper and handing it back over to me with a large smile; I couldn't help but to smile back.

"Thank you, I appreciate it," I said unsure of how else to continue.

"You can thank me by showing others how I'm right when you get to training. You're going to be a part of something bigger that what you imagined," He said. He turned to the woman behind the desk and asked for something, and turned back with a stack of papers, "these are your papers on when you'll be going to basic, and the details of transport. You'll learn more at the briefing in two days. All you need to know is in here, any questions you have ask them at the briefing," I just nodded in bewilderment of what he meant, "I'll see you in a few days Sophia,"

He patted me on the shoulder and walked away. I wasn't too sure what happened, or how, or even why, but all I knew was that I've things like this happened just from me punching people who needed it, then I needed to act on my emotions more. I couldn't help but giggle and spin around before walking out. And as I did I was sure to wave my papers and blow a kiss to the asshole behind the desk.

* * *

**Ali:** I'm really happy it went that way, I want her to be realistic. I often get upset when characters fall out of their character within the first few chapters or do something completely out of character. I hope you liked this one just as much!

**Carlsjr97: **Dawww :) warm fuzzies all over! I really appreciate it! Keep letting me know how you feel about it!

**Frostivy:**I'm glad you enjoy it! I've had a really good time with this character so far. I've mad a long introduction just that way when my character makes decisions and she starts building her relationship with Steve, (which the beginning of that will be coming up in the next chapter). I'm doing this story as I go, but I've created some pretty great ideas for what I want to do with the story all the way up to even thoughts for a follow up story. please keep sending the love! I really appreciate it!

**All my love**

**-WastedLimeLight-**


	5. Boy With a Coin

**Okay, first of all.. I am soo sorry everyone! My computer broke down and I had to buy a new one which is probably worth more than my car. Now my boss has me working 50 hours a week, and I go to school part time; Needless to say, I've been busy. But here I am with a new chapter J I appreciate all the support and to see how many people have favorited the story only after a few short chapters. I must be doing something right!**

* * *

I stood leaning on to the brick wall as I gazed out the opened window. My left arm went across my body as its hand supported the other arm, which was bringing the cigarette to my lips. I took a slow long drag of the smoke and held it in for a moment. My body was soon buzzing with the nicotine which inadvertently ran a shiver up my spine.

Today was the day I was leaving for the boot camp and the day of the briefing. I turned to my trunk packed on the bed. Everything that I had value to me was in there. That only included some memory tokens of John, my fine jewelry, my red heels, and an assortment of clothing. I was sure I'd have no occasion to wear half of them, but I really didn't care. I wasn't leaving things here that I wanted to see again.

I left Angie a key to the place yesterday. We hadn't exactly mended our relationship, but she was the only person that I trusted. When she asked where I was going I couldn't help but feel a small wave of embarrassment at my impulsivity to join the Army. Not that I regretted joining, not at all. I just knew that for me, it meant I was running from my problems. Again. Angie was shocked and upset and begged me not to do it but when she pleaded I said nothing, and just looked at her with the heaviness off the truth sitting in my eyes. And for a moment I couldn't look at her because I knew deep down she was still my best friend, and only God knew my fate at this moment. Looking back up at her when her protests stopped, we both knew I may possibly never to come back. I decided to put my life in another's hands, and there was nothing either her or I could do to stop it now. And we stood there for the longest time, staring. As if we were frightened one of us would disappear, or the fear of forgetting the other. I studied her face thought of her laugh and remembered that she was the one who was always there for me when I fell. A smile came across my lips as I blinked tears back.

"Please don't yourself killed," She said in a tone that brought a smile to my lips.

"Angie, I've never let a man best me, and I'll be damned if I'll let one be the death of me," I said as she smiled back.

*HONK HONK*

I looked down from my apartment as I was shaken out of my thoughts to see the taxi parked at the steps of my apartment complex. I turned to my trunk and with some some effort, which partially consisted of me kicking it down the stairs a few times. I lugged it out the door and to the cab. The fat cabbie helped me throw it in the trunk once I made it out. Sliding in the backseat I sighed and looked up to the cabbie.

"Where are we headed all that I know is that you were supposed to pick me up," I said to him. The man, who seemed nice looked at me in the rear view mirror.

"Well we have to make another stop in Brooklyn and then were going on over to grand central, you were just on my way from the dispatch. So I picked you up first." He said as he maneuvered through traffic.

"Brooklyn. Who are we picking up out there?" I asked looking at him by way of the mirror. I could visibly see his eye brows jump to tell me he didn't know.

"They just gave me addresses lady, no names, nothin'.." he explained to me. I just turned my attention out of the window and sat quietly. The drive across the bridge and the ride in across town wasn't long and somewhat smooth. When we pulled up to an apartment complex, I saw the last person in the world I ever expected. Sitting on the steps with a sack of belongings next to him, he got up and walked over to the cab. And when he saw my face he paused with a falter in his quick steps. I scooted over to the other side of the cab and let him slide in. When he closed the door he looked over at me.

"Sophia? What are you doing here?" He asked his eyebrows furrowed. Granted I was giving the same look right back at him.

"I'm going to the briefing and then I'm on my way to boot camp, what are you doing here?" I asked.

"I'm uh… Well I'm doing the same," He paused for a moment looking out of the window thrown of by my bluntly honest answer. He nervously played with a coin in his hand as he prepared to say something, but then closed his mouth. It only took another moment for him to ask what I was sure he was thinking. "But, you're a woman, why are you going to boot camp?" He said still confused as I was. Maybe the military was making a team of misfits in the army and that's why we've been selected. Great, I get put in the one section of the army that has the least chance of making it, especially if the others look like Steve. After he asked that I just looked at him and then down with pursed lips. Even Steve, who was a weakling was questioning this choice of mine. I suddenly felt like I was doing something wrong. That's what I get for trust a crazy German doctor.

"Yeah and you're kind of small for boot camp Steve" I said looking anywhere but at him. The slight irritation coming out. From the corner of m eye, I saw him examine the coin in hiss fingers again then sit up straight. He perplexed me. I felt like there was more to him than I knew. I pulled out a cigarette. I was going to need this.

"Well you know they usually just have women as nurses or clerks, you know?" He said as I puffed out the smoke, and took another breath. He gave me an odd look, and began to cough a little, this soon became uncontrollable, "I'm just *cough* a *cough*

"You okay?" I asked. He nodded and rolled down the window. Taking a deep breath, and starting to breathe again. I rolled my down as well. I was a little put back, people smoked everywhere. For a moment I wondered how hard it was for him to live with that if he was constantly dealing with this.

"I'm sorry, I have asthma, I just can't handle that much smoke in a small space like this. I didn't know you smoked." He said holding his face close to the window. I looked at my cigarette with a distraught face. I felt bad about smoking with him there, but I was a little bit more upset I'd throw it out not even a half smoked. not with out a ping, I let it slide out of my fingers as the sat out the window.

"You have asthma and you got into the army? And granted Steve, you maybe knew me more for little more than an hour," I said looking over to him with a raised eyebrow.

"Well I wasn't the one who left early though," he said raising his eyebrow back at me. …. I hate when people do that.

"Because you made such stimulating conversation. Oh wait, you hardly made any conversation." I laughed back at him.

"It was obvious you had no interest in talking to me, not to mention you looked like you wanted to rip Angie's head off. That didn't make me want to bother you," He said. This was true. That night I didn't want to have anything to do with anyone, and I could have easily killed Angie for sport. I looked at Steve who was looking out the window as we made our way closer to the bridge. If I was in a better mode that night I would have made more effort to make conversation with him. And the more I thought about it, I felt bad. I was judging him as we were about to go to basic more than likely together, and all I've done is question his sanity and ability. I can't reasonably do that considering mine is just as questionable. He had done nothing to me.

I sighed and leaned my head next to the open window, crisp early fall winds danced on my face. I always thought of the fall as when the early shed everything and became barren and in the winter. The clean white snow and cold air would wash and detox the world so that it can start fresh and beautifully in the spring. Reborn again. That's what this whole thing was about. Me joining the military, right? I wanted an escape to start as a new person. Or was I running? Will I still have Angie as my closest friend? Would I ever become my old self again? Do I even want to be her anymore? What would John say if he knew? …my heart fell to the lowest point in my body. I missed him.

I just needed to let all this stress go. I had no reason to be angry, sad, or even worried. As much as I missed John, I couldn't let him haunt me all the time. He was always with me, and was often the person I whispered to when I needed to talk. As far as running away from my problems, I still wasn't sure if that's what I was doing. I suppose deciding if it is or not will hinge on how this choice plays out.

I will never have to worry about Louis again, or the other leaches from the bar I'd entertain. I will never have to see the faces of the women I worked with, who were only good for gossiping and rumors. I didn't have to worry about rent, or food. I don't have to worry that I'd never see the world. And from this point I was moving on.

I moved my head back so it was leaning on the seat I was in. Letting my body relax I closed my eyes for a minute. My body would wiggle with the movements of the cab, the fresh air tingled my nose. I could hear the motors of various cars next to the cab. The sunlight danced on my eyelids and that's when I felt it. I was free. I was traveling, and going places with no one to stop me. For the longest time I had been stuck in that apartment haunted by my past. Even the city at times felt like a cage, where I just went down. And now that I am leaving I couldn't be happier. Waves of contentment and joy flooded through me. Leaving my face plastered with a grin. Opening my eyes I looked out the window to see we were on the bridge. Sliding my hand to the open window, I let my fingers and palm play in the wind, something I hadn't done since I was a child.

I turned my head to my right to see Steve in the same position; looking out of the window and playing with the coin. I watched him twiddling the coin so that it moved from the groves between his fingers smoothly and quickly.

"Steve?" I asked still laying back.

"Yes?" he answered turning his head so that he could look at me in the eye. I just looked back into his for a moment, noting the color I had to notice before of the bright blue pair looking at me.

"I'm sorry about the other night, you've done nothing to me for me to snub you like that. And I'd like it if we can start out on another foot," While saying this Steve's expression did not change. I just continued to look back at him with light smile on my lips. He took in a breath and stuck out his hand.

"Steve Rogers ma'am, it's a pleasure to meet you," He said lips pulling into a smile. And mine couldn't help but too copy and let a light laugh come out.

"Sophia Heart, and its lovely to meet you,"


	6. Ways to Go

The train clacking was rhythmic and held me together, because one thing I was sure of, probably the only thing I was sure of, was the knot in my stomach, the pounding in my heart and the person sitting next to me. Granted he wasn't much but he was the only thing I found solid ground in. I looked from the window down to my long legs, my constant fidgeting hands pulled my hem down more and then held each other.

"You wonder what will happen when we get there?" Steve asked. I didn't look up or turn my head to him but instead looked back out the window. I wasn't sure what would happen, giving me no clue how to answer. I gulped thinking about the briefing. The doctor that enlisted me was there with a group of us on a car in the train. It was about 20 people in the car for the briefing. He explained we were selected specifically for this division. The whole thing sounded strange and irrational, not to mention how completely and utterly illogical it was for me and Steve to be put in this group. We both received strange looks but they were written of probably with the thought that we were there for administrative reasons. I honestly didn't give a damn, but there were moments that I could feel Steve's nerves come out. Looking at him you'd never know, and looking at me you wouldn't see it either. It was just a feeling that passed, a mutual feeling that we might have been out of our depth in this moment. When no one was paying any mind to the odd balls in the back I slid my hand to the edge of his. I said nothing, made no expression, and made no effort to support the action. It was my way of letting him know he wasn't alone in that feeling. I was glad I had a kind soul next to mine.

We were surrounded by meat heads with muscles on their muscles. How in the hell was I supposed to be in this group. He told us how we would all be observed in three areas and only the top 10 would be considered for the next step in the program. Apparently only the top 5 would be put through first, then the second wave. The number one cadet would become the commanding officer. We were to become super soldiers, an elite team that would end the war.

I remember him looking at Steve and me as he stated on the areas of judgment: Strength, courage, and intelligence. These few words he spoke were what I expected in a speech like this, but from the tone he gave, I knew there was something deeper in his meaning. What he was really looking for I wasn't sure, but what I could count on it was that he was looking for it from Steve and me.

"I have no idea what will happen, honestly. Did you notice Erskine looking at us when he was talking about the attributes he was looking for?" I turned to him as I finished my first sentence. He was looking at me with his doe eyed look he often had.

"I did, why? Do you think that he meant something behind it?" He asked. I nodded. I felt like this was something that he should have picked up on. I leaned in to talk to him. I didn't want one of the people around us to pick up on it, granted most were talking loudly among each other.

"Well I mean look at us compared to everyone else that was in that room Steve. I'm a woman who was picked for a project that is so top secret the wont divulge certain details about it until you get picked. And Steve, no offence but you're a 90 pound asthmatic." I said with a light laugh at the end, "Don't you think there is something behind that?"

He thought for a moment and then looked back at me, "well yeah, but do you think that he also pick out the other people here, if he handpicked us what if he did the same with us. I told you all he said he could offer me was a chance. But you may be right. It's all so strange."

"Yeah, we get in the military as misfits by a German scientist, who basically figured out our life stories within in five minutes of meeting us. And two days later we're on a train being told one of the things were being judged on for his super-secret science project is our strength. I don't know if you know this, but we're not going to make it out of boot camp alive, Steve" I laughed at the whole situation. His smile was huge as he chuckled at my comment.

"Maybe will get lucky you never know," he smiled.

"Gah, you know what I just thought of?" I asked him with a frown.

"What?" he said looking at me in a more serious manner.

"I hate running," I laughed.

"pft, good job on that one. You went into the recruiter, you know?" he said back to his smile.

"I was in a bad mood, and it was a lapse of judgment, alright?" I said this and my southern accent came out a little more than usual.

"So where are you from originally, because it's obviously not New York,"

"I'm from Virginia, grew up in a small town on the outskirts of the capital, Richmond." I told him glance to him with a soft remembrance in my eyes. I usually didn't like to discuss the past with people. And my memories of Virginia felt like that of another life where things were simple and happy.

"What was that like? Growing up out there?" He asked with genuine interest in his eyes. I glanced out the window and without much thought I felt the words slip from my lips.

"It was like a dream. It was me and my mom…" the words kept flowing. I hadn't told anyone about where I came from since I had met Angie at the hospital. Every now and then he'd ask questions, but mostly it was his soft eyes looking at me while I just unleashed the damn of who I used to be. I continued for some time, and eventually transferred the topic of the conversation to his past. And for everything I told him he opened up just as much. One thing that certainly surprised me was he shared up about the pains of his life. It was something that I was almost new to me; just because I was one of those people that hated exposing myself that much. He told me how it was almost on a regular biases that he found himself getting beaten up.

"But, Why? Why didn't you just run?" I asked. He smiled softly and looked down then back up.

"Well, why would I do that? It hurt, of course, but if I never stood up for myself then I would only be proving them right. That they can bully who they want and get what they want by doing that. You only lose your power when you hand it over to someone else." He said with a half-smile. I sat back and pursed my lips, there was something in the words that he spoke that hit a chord with me. He had wisdom beyond his years and the strength to keep fighting. The rest of the train ride I spent more time talking to Steve and telling him about myself then I had to any one in years.

The train barreled on down the rails, and I knew that my life that I lived in New York was over. And I couldn't wait for the next steps and to have a new friend by my side.

Sorry guys I know this is a short one. I've had a lot of stuff going on lately and I haven't been able to update much. Just know more is on the way.

-WastedLimeLight


End file.
